I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
