Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
