Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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