I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
