I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
