i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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