NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
