but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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