Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
