i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
