when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think a kid would responsible me up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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