He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
