How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
