Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i came on her dog
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
