Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
