if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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