the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
