Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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