Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
