Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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