already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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