So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
