I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
