Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BRING THE BAGELS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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