i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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