so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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