Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
