Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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