dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
