Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
try to milk me bitch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
