Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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