I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
