My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
