My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
