I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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