Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
