Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
