you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
