does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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