I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
