overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize