I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
