Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
