If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
