Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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