guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
