Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
