I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
