pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
