I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
