is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
