Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
