I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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