I feel great
I just peed on a car
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
