so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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