i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
