What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
