Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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