Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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