New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
