she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
