I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
