Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize