not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize