I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
