my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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