I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize