I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
