The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
